I'm excited to go to school. I absolutely cannot wait. And not just because I can drive. I love learning and I love the social atmosphere that comes with going to school. I love my school in particular. The friendly atmosphere there is all the more engaging and welcoming. I miss my friends, the people I know, my classes, some teachers, I just miss it.
But I'm also wary. Mostly of the two friends I had considered my closest. We'd been a team of three, tight and wildly conversational.
Of course towards the end of last year one of these two started opening up about how she had feelings for the other. The other didn't know until until something happened and the one that liked her started crying and avoiding her. It was a disaster either way. Neither would talk to other at the last couple of weeks of school. I felt split and fully alone. I've always felt alone really. Never had anyone close to me. But that's a subject for another blog post.
Anyways even though they officially 'made-up' and even started talking again they didn't hang out together as much. Which me kind of wander around when usually I'd hang out with the two of them in any free time right before classes or during lunch or whenever.
During the summer the one that had liked the other had to get a big surgery on her spine, putting metal in back. She has sclerosis I think it was. Bent back. Anyway me and the friend that she had liked ended up going to visit her at her house. Yes the surgery was bad enough that the other friend felt the need to come. Everything seemed fine and dandy then. Just great. We talked fervently just like we used to. It was lovely.
I came home expecting to see them both talking to each other again online as well. They had been talking some, but limitedly, and not at all since she'd gone to the hospital for her operation.
But I come home and seems like over the course of the next couple of days only the one who had been liked talks to me on the forums we hung out at, and then neither of them seem to be around anywhere at all. The only place I find that they still seem to be alive is twitter, but even there they seem to just talk to themselves. I even said something on there to one and they didn't say a thing back. Not that I should necessarily expect them too because of how offhand what I said was, but after the lack in communication in any other way just makes me all the more wary.
In the end it makes the situation seem like it might not be that great when I get to school. Perhaps I start keeping to myself more. Either to myself or to a couple of other friends I have that I feel a little closer too, though not nearly as close as I used to feel to these too.
Just my issues with the world -
But I'm also wary. Mostly of the two friends I had considered my closest. We'd been a team of three, tight and wildly conversational.
Of course towards the end of last year one of these two started opening up about how she had feelings for the other. The other didn't know until until something happened and the one that liked her started crying and avoiding her. It was a disaster either way. Neither would talk to other at the last couple of weeks of school. I felt split and fully alone. I've always felt alone really. Never had anyone close to me. But that's a subject for another blog post.
Anyways even though they officially 'made-up' and even started talking again they didn't hang out together as much. Which me kind of wander around when usually I'd hang out with the two of them in any free time right before classes or during lunch or whenever.
During the summer the one that had liked the other had to get a big surgery on her spine, putting metal in back. She has sclerosis I think it was. Bent back. Anyway me and the friend that she had liked ended up going to visit her at her house. Yes the surgery was bad enough that the other friend felt the need to come. Everything seemed fine and dandy then. Just great. We talked fervently just like we used to. It was lovely.
I came home expecting to see them both talking to each other again online as well. They had been talking some, but limitedly, and not at all since she'd gone to the hospital for her operation.
But I come home and seems like over the course of the next couple of days only the one who had been liked talks to me on the forums we hung out at, and then neither of them seem to be around anywhere at all. The only place I find that they still seem to be alive is twitter, but even there they seem to just talk to themselves. I even said something on there to one and they didn't say a thing back. Not that I should necessarily expect them too because of how offhand what I said was, but after the lack in communication in any other way just makes me all the more wary.
In the end it makes the situation seem like it might not be that great when I get to school. Perhaps I start keeping to myself more. Either to myself or to a couple of other friends I have that I feel a little closer too, though not nearly as close as I used to feel to these too.
Just my issues with the world -
0 comments:
Post a Comment